Gratefulness Vs. Self Pity

Today I’ve decided to trap the voices inside my head that keeps on telling me I’m not enough or I’m worthless and replace it with voices that tells me I am enough and I am worthy of the abundance around me.

I watched a video that states that thoughts are Spirits, we cannot see them, we cannot touch them but they exist nonetheless (in various forms) and finally comes out to the physical world as ACTIONS.

These spirits come from different stimuli; it is therefore necessary to KNOW the nature of these stimuli and work on ignoring them, avoiding them or for a more advanced level, fighting against them head on.

For years and years I’ve taught myself how to ignore these stimuli. I’ll play my favorite songs, I’’lll sing songs that inspire me or binge—watch movies that drowns the voices  inside my head.

As I grow and age though, the voices became stronger as well and more difficult to ignore. Many times I’ve caught myself getting drowned by the voices and just sit there all day contemplating about how people wouldn’t notice if I suddenly disappeared or perhaps I should just throw myself into the next train and make it all go away.

I’ll start the day really positive and then make a to-do list, but that’d be as far as I can achieve most days. I’d be stuck on the videos I watch and just keep on thinking how I’l never achieve those slender arms, that cleaner house, that successful lifestyle.

In those years I’ve lived with the voices I’ve grown to name them and feel the signal of their approach but today I’ve decided to not just ignore them but to kill them one by one and I decided to start with SELF PITY.

When I watch those videos of beautiful houses, 6 pack abs and a stable income. Self pity would slowly worm its way into my heart, first as a silent hum, then it turns into a very gentle voice. Masking itself as a friend who’d always be there when you’re alone. Sometimes I can even feel Self Pity hugging me, and then I’d find myself rocking back and forth thinking about how poor I am, how unsuccessful I am and how much I lack self control.

Today, Self-pity is back again. She came just after I watched that video of a beautiful home filled with all the Pantone i could ever dream of, but this time I was prepared. I knew she’d come so I took out my favorite notebook, my pen and started listing the things I am grateful for.

  1. My family
  2. My health
  3. My job
  4. My talent

Then I said this again and again until I can no longer hear Self Pity’s whispers in my ears: “I am grateful for _________, ________, _________ who loves me. I am grateful for my good health when I could be lying in a hospital right now fighting for my life. I am grateful for my job that helps me survive each month and sustains my needs when I could be jobless. I am grateful for my talent in writing and singing that lets me create songs and poems so I may express myself.”

I know that Self-Pity may come again anytime, anywhere but now at least I know how to combat this voice and replace it with a more positive one. 

I hope that as you read this, you’ll realize that this process doesn’t come easy. There will be days when you’ve tried but the voice just overwhelms your every senses. I am telling you that when that day comes, find the courage to eat some snack and take a nap or get dressed in your favorite clothes and go out and as you do consider how grateful you are for the food on your table, the softness of your bed and the warmth your clothes provide. 

Let’s start being grateful for the smallest of things and let it fill your heart with warmth until that voice disappears and if that still doesn’t work, remind yourself that I am with you, I am experiencing this too. Let’s just survive today and hope for a better tomorrow.